Monday, August 19, 2019

A Cat Tale

My sister started the treat thing. She bought these treats for Sarah's cat, Chaz. She brings them regularly in large containers that last a while. I can only find them in packets that cost more to buy. Chaz absolutely loves these treats. It is the only other food he'll eat.

Three days ago we ran out. Every day, all day long every time I would go into the kitchen, he would go and scratch his post. This is a sign that he wants treats. We trained him to use the post with treats. This protected my furniture.

Chaz is the strong silent type. He doesn't meow. Not much. If he meows, it is important. You pay attention. They're never loud or long meows either. Just one and more only if necessary.

The treats apparently are important. He has meowed every time I don't comply with a treat. "We're out."  I tell him. He walks away like the rich young ruler. Sorrowfully.

Next trip through or to the kitchen, he's there scratching his post. Giving me a look. And trudging away, head down.

For three whole days.

I called my sister.

"This cat is not happy. If you don't bring his treats he's going to lose his mind."

She laughed.

I'm not amused but ok.

'I have them but I keep forgetting to bring them. I'll bring them tomorrow." She said, still laughing.

"He's really upset about them."

Another laugh. "Ok I'll bring them by after work." She passes almost by my house so it isn't inconvenient.

My sister arrives. Chaz is lying by the back door. You've seen the photos of that activity. As soon as she walks in and he sees her, he jumps up, stretches toward her and heads for the kitchen, glancing back to see that she is following, bag in hand. He doesn't even bother scratching his post. Just sits down in front of it. Certain, I'm sure, that he's already paid his dues.

Tonight, he's a happier cat. And he's not followed me to the kitchen but one time. Supper time.

Saturday, August 3, 2019

In the Ashes

I was searching through some computer files and ran across this. I don't remember writing it. The record says it was created Jan 25 of this year. Sometimes you find things in the ashes.

I found your photo today
and you smiled that smile
you always smiled
when you looked at me.
I see it in every memory
except the last one.
If it were possible,
I’d trade that memory for the photo.

Wednesday, July 31, 2019

There Be Dragons

I keep getting reminded by Facebook that I'm neglecting my followers. I guess in a way that's true. So much has happened in the last several months that I've been overwhelmed. Maybe sometime I'll write about it. For now, I'm tired and want forget it all. Unfortunately, some troubles leave a mark. Maybe not ones others can see but a mark all the same.

I've been under a lot of stress and the results have been severe depression, increased pain levels, sleep disturbances, and a lot of anger at my inability to cope with anything. All of which creates a vicious cycle that only exacerbates them.

I don't want to write anymore. Yes, it is very scary. It is as if a switch has flipped and I can't summon any desire to sit down and pour out the stories. I can't actually think of any story, not even stories I've been working on. The well seems to have run dry and I'm not sure I even care.

I'm tired of finishing a day with no energy left. The truth is, I'm tired of fighting monsters I can't defeat. I keep getting up in the mornings, no matter how much pain I'm in, to do it all over again. By the end of the day I'll cry in the shower and try to wash the new war wounds.

I was once told I was a fighter but I don't have the energy, the strength, or even the desire to fight another dragon. I feel that I should just sit down and let them eat me. I don't even know if I'd feel the heat. Dealing with constant pain actually numbs you to many things. Minor injuries are hardly worth noticing, as if you're watching it from a distance. When the car crashed into the garage wall two weeks ago, I just looked at it and came in the house and sat down. I felt annoyed but not much else. It was just one more thing.

So, for those who feel I've let things go, you'd be right. And if you stop following or drift away, I understand. Thank you to those who have waited patiently and left kind comments. Facebook is rather insensitive, an irony if there ever was one. I would say I'm offended by the assumption I'm inconsiderate. But honestly, it isn't as if they can eat me. Facebook isn't a dragon.

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