Starting Over... Again

The July post sounded optimistic, didn't it? I have done a little writing and I was able for a bit to do a lot of things around here that had to be done. The arm is well but I've not been able to go back to the gym but once or twice. 

At first because I was not cleared by the doctor. I actually had to go get a shot in the arm to help with the pain. After several weeks, I was good to go back. I made a trip to the gym on October 12. I remeber I didn't feel well and it was a week before I tried again on the 20th. By then I wasn't feeling well at all and after my 6 mile ride, I came home. I've been down ever since. I think I've had Covid #3.

Today, I'm much improved, but still not great. I'm not coughing as much and there is way less crud in my chest and nose. I've coughed so much my ribs, back, and head hurt. And as for fatigue, I've been so tired I just fall asleep in a chair. 

I'm very annoyed because I was doing really well the first of October. I felt better than I have in a long time. I was getting a lot of stuff done, had started to write again, and planned to go down to Atlanta to visit my aunt and uncle. Two weeks ago I almost left. I was packed but the next morning I was so sick I had to cancel. 

So, here I sit. Planning what to do after I'm completely over this. 

It is very frustrating because time seems to be just slipping away. I've been battling illness for years now and I'm pretty tired of it. Or maybe just tired is a better way to phrase it. 

If my I get better over the next few days, maybe I will be able to get back into it.. writing, sewing, crochet. I feel totally useless at the moment. Always, I'm starting over and honestly, I probably should just give up. 

Whew, what a bummer this is!

Through My Veins

For three days now, I've been writing. Not new writing, but I've been editing and revising. 

On Wednesday, I suddenly opened one of my unfinished manuscripts and started working toward finishing it. This book is the closest to being a finished draft of all 9 of my manuscripts. I have a couple of others that almost as close. If I can get this edit done and fill in any holes, I can start a real edit. 

The process feels great, but I'm battling pain, fatigue, and depression. Typical day for me. 

But I'm working. Writing. I'm tired of not being able to think or use my hands. I know there's dictation, but it isn't the same. I've tried it a few times and I still have to use a keyboard to edit. And it is so slow. 

I remember when I was 11 and started writing. I loved using my pen and scratching those words onto paper. I didn't own a typewriter and couldn't have used it if I did. They hadn't invented computers yet. Pen or pencil were the only way to write. 

When I moved to the typewriter, I had to relearn to write because there is something visceral about using pen and paper. They're an extension to your body when you write. What you think pours out onto the paper through a pen. The way blood flows through my veins. I learned to type, and the words flowed out at 70 words per minute. 

Then, I got a computer when I was in my mid-20s. The pen and paper fell by way, to be used only for notes or when I had no access to the computer. Doing NaNoWriMo I learned to write faster and at last count, in NaNo alone I'd written over 465,712 words over 11 years! It's ridiculous to not have a finished novel to show for all that. 

I haven't given up, even though it feels I'm running out of time. This week I'm trying to make headway. I can tell that the longer I'm at it, the more I want to do, but my body has betrayed me so long. My neck hurts badly as I finish this post. My back hurts. My hands have hurt for days and a couple of fingers are reaching the end of their lifespan, I think. The pain of not finishing is worse. 

Twiddling My Thumbs

This is one writer who is just all messed up. I tell myself I should just throw in my keyboard and give up. I write a bit here and a bit there. The little voice in my head says time is running out and I'm just twiddling my thumbs. I don't know if that's true. But the nagging isn't helping me.

👈  I woke up at noon to this kind of day. The temperature is rather nice but the lack of sun is ominous. Winters in S. Indiana are quite gloomy, and someone with problems retaining vitamin D doesn't need gloomy skies. We need sun.

I'm exhausted. Possibly I've been sitting up too late watching funny videos. Because I live alone, have no place to go or am too ill to go, and I have no visitors, I've become more depressed. There is nothing I can do about it. I already take a pill for fibromyalgia that is an antidepressant. They told me I can't take anything else. So, medication is out.

Sitting up late watching Poldark is also not helpful. The story is so intense and the villain so insanely persistent that I have to watch until I reach a resolution to the current problem they're facing. So far, that's each season finale! A few nights ago I stopped at the end of the show just before it shows one of my favorite characters dying! I couldn't handle it. Depression and sad stories don't mix.

I've even tried reading, which usually helps me. I'm reading a book called Cold Water by Debbie Herbert. This is a very good book, and the story is intense. The antagonist is maddening but so is the protagonist. My problem is that the one is so wicked while the other is too passive and doing stupid things. In theory, I know this will workout and the crime solved but I've felt so under stress reading it. NO! I don't know why. It's just a book and I've read books far more disturbing that this one. It has taken weeks and I'm only halfway through. For me, that's insane. When I take this long to read a book, it's usually because it's terrible but I stick it out as a challenge. This one, I can't handle the way the action plays out. I know who did it so reading the ending won't help. 

As for writing. Pfft. I know I've written some but I've stopped paying attention to how much. Right now, I want to go to sleep and I didn't get out of bed till noon! 

Tomorrow I take my sister to have eye surgery. I must sleep tonight, no sitting up. She'll be staying with me for several days until she's able to see how to drive. That'll give me some company for a few days. My sisters are good company.

Now that I've bored even myself to tears, I'll stop here. I need to do a couple of things before sis gets here. I hope you have a productive writing day.

First Interview & Other Minutia

I feel so important now. Fiona Mcvie just posted an author interview with me on her blog! It is so thrilling. My first interview. OK, maybe I'm over-reacting but really, it was a lot of fun and now I feel like I can do this.

I've been running around for a few days now and having a hard time remembering what day it is. Sarah is out of school and without that schedule to keep up on track, we're both asking all the time "What's today?" I don't feel so bad when she asks, too.

I've still got some painting to do to the chairs but I have to go buy more paint. At the moment, I'm working on a child's park bench that belonged to Sarah when she was a tot. It is really a lovely bench and made of oak and iron. Rather than sanding and staining the slats, I'm painting them a hammered bronze color. I'll post photos when I'm done.

It has rained so much that the ground feels a bit spongy. The heat and humidity are miserable for more than a few minutes so I'm painting in bouts, coming in to cool and dry off. We did need a good soaking rain and I believe we got it. I just wish it had cooled us off.

Guess what I did today? Put away laundry! Yes! Yes! I did it. I still have some sheets and towels to do but I can do that sitting and watching t.v. later. I got everything hung up and just have to move it to the closets. It didn't take long, a surprise there, and I was so relieved. The only drawback is the severe pain in my trapezius that is setting up a migraine. I've discovered that is one of my triggers.

Sarah is leaving next week to go to Arkansas for two months to spend time with her Dad. She always looks forward to seeing him and spending time with him but she hates to leave home. I'll miss her terribly and I know her mom and other grandparents will as well. I won't have to get out of bed early until August unless I just want to get up.

Had a weird experience yesterday. I was exhausted because I had not had enough sleep the night before and went to sleep in the recliner. When I woke up I could see fine out of my right eye but my left one was as blurry as if I'd been wearing the wrong glasses. It took three hours to clear up. I'm wondering if it was a visual migraine. I started having them about 5 years ago and they're very odd and frightening. Today, I have a real headache just over that eye. I'm about to take some meds for a migraine in a few minutes. No, I didn't call the doctor. There was nothing to show them. I just couldn't see, even with my glasses. But you know what, I could feel the difference in the eyes.

I'm off now to wait the meds out and see if I can organize a writing project I've set for myself. Everyone have a wonderful weekend. Just use caution in the heat.

Do visit Fiona's blog and read the interview. Read several and leave her a comment on them if you enjoyed it. Well, leave me one, too!

Morning Routine and A Cat Story

I'm at the computer this morning preparing to write something. Well, this post but other things, too. I've read my Bible, put away some laundry, put another load on to wash, have one more to wash but may wait till tomorrow to do that one. I've swept Sarah's room and I made my bed before she went to school.It is just now 9:30! I'm not as tired today as I have been but then it comes and goes so who knows what the day will hold.

I went to church yesterday and was just so tired. Bishop stopped by my seat and prayed for me and I was able to stay and enjoy most of the service. I left just before it ended and came home. So, an auspicious start to the week.

Today I'd like to work on one of my novels. I've decided to just let one of them give me a shout out and see who wants attention. Maybe I'll be more productive. I'm nearly done with ... I don't know what you call it. I've been developing the environment, leadership, and religion of All That's Holy. I need to see the landscape and I need to clearly understand the role of the monarchy with the religious order in place. Several wars have resulted in an interesting structure. So, that's helped a bit. Now I know more about why.

Have you done your taxes? I haven't either. I need to get started but I still have some paperwork to pull and I really can't be fatigued when I start processing that stuff. I hate filing and I don't actually have to file but I usually get a few hundred bucks back so that's the light bill one month.

I'm in very little pain today compared to last week. The foot is improving a bit but I've been very careful to wear comfortable shoes or thick socks in the house. My knee... meh, I need to put medicine on it. The rest of me seems to be meh, too. I just thankful for the relief this morning. I was very depressed over the weekend and the fatigue just makes it much worse.

OK, I have a story to tell. It happened Saturday night.

The Case of the Cat in the Nighttime

I hate cats who get on counters and tables where I prepare and eat food. It is the main reason I never wanted cats, well, that and the litter box. Yuck. Sarah has a cat and being a cat, it is a constant source of annoyance. I keep bleach wipes on the counter because once dirty, catbox paws have been on the counter or tables we can't bear to think eating anything in contact with it. So, bleach wipes.

A week or so ago I read you can put double sided sticky tape on things you want to stop the cat from getting on. It said they don't like it on their paws. As someone who has fought with double-sided tape, I can understand that but cats are pretty persistent creatures. And I don't have any double-sided tape at the present time.

I have packing tape.

So, after screaming at the cat to get off my freshly cleaned table and counters, I decided I had nothing to lose. Saturday I got the packing tape and arranged it in stripes on the table and counter. Then I just went about the day. Once, Chaz hopped up on the table in the kitchen and managed to miss the tape. He stared at it but when he saw me, he jumped down and ran off. I was miffed.

The day wore on and wouldn't you know, this is the day he isn't going to break the rules. All. Day. Long.

At 11 p.m. I was sitting on the side of my bed making final preparations to go to bed. In the kitchen, I hear something whump, then a scrabbling and howl. Next, some wild yowling creature catapulted down the hall, running into Sarah's room.

I jumped up and running into the hallway I called, "CHAZ!"

He passed me on the way back up the hall and I chased him into the far corner of the den. He's shaking his hind leg and circling and there is the odd cellophane sound. I talked soothingly to him and bent down. Stuck to his back leg and balled up was the packing tape from the table. I took it off and he darted off back down the hallway.

I went to bed wondering what the morrow would bring and laughing.

There has been no packing tape on the table since Saturday night. I haven't caught him on it again. Of course, he could be getting on it at night. I'll be getting some double sided tape this week.

I'm laughing again. Cats are good for one thing - entertainment.

Wake Up Call

It is amazing what a vitamin can do! There goes my sole exclamation point but I have to use it. Two weeks ago I remembered that I'd been without my D3 for at least 6weeks. I went out and picked some up and started taking 15,000 units a day. You may recall my boring post about my fatigue and brain fog overwhelming me.

I've been taking D3 for more than a decade and for about 5 years I've taken 10,000 units a day because that is the only way I could keep my levels at a normal level. Anything lower and I bottom out. This is due to the medications I take for my rheumatoid arthritis. Symptoms of D3 deficiency are numerous and you can Google them but believe me when I say they are profound. Everyone should insist on a blood test to check their levels. If you're below 30, that's too low. And I don't care what your doctor says! Do what it takes to get above that level. Increase your D and get regular blood work to monitor it. If your prescribed dose doesn't raise it, increase your dose anyway.

I digress.

So, two weeks of D3 and the fog has mostly cleared and the fatigue is now at a manageable level, not gone but not overwhelming me to the point I fall into a deep sleep in 30 seconds after sitting down. I'm not joking here. I was sleeping close to 12 hrs a day. I couldn't sit down or I'd fall asleep in minutes, despite my efforts to stay awake.

In fact, the improvement is so profound that I've got all laundry washed, dried and have only two loads left to put away. Three days ago, I had about 5 loads that needed putting away and 4 to wash. Yes, that's a lot for two people but I've simply been unable to do more than the bare essentials. I've washed dishes every day, swept, vacuumed, and mopped all the floors and made up all the beds. The house is clean! Read some blogs a month ago and you'll see what I mean.

A couple of days ago, I managed to write 308 words on All That's Holy. I felt energized and excited. It wasn't much and it wasn't earth-shaking, actually more fixing some areas and adding in, but it was such a relief to write something on one of the novels.

I've dropped the D3 back to 10,000 units this week and will see how I feel. I see my doctor tomorrow and I don't know how he'll react to this but whatever.

I'm about to do some writing now and will stop this post here. I hope you're writing, too. Pay attention to your body, particularly if you have an autoimmune disease. Research medical research and treatments. Look for new data on trials and tests. Take care of yourself and when you tired, rest. Just don't sleep 12 hours a day.