Living in a Mental & Social Drought

 I don't want to admit it but I've done so little writing in the last year that you could probably count the page totals on your hands. It is so stressful!

No matter how many deadlines I set, how much I commit to writing, I don't get it done. That sets the tone for my day. I worry I'm wasting time. I tell myself it is important to no one but me. Obviously that's not true. I don't even appear to care!

More than once in recent months, I've thought about whether I should just give up. Toss it all out, clean out the computer, shred my files and give up. How do you do that? The very idea sounds insane. If I did that, the aftermath would be a disaster. 

There is some encouragement when I read that writers around the world are dealing with a similar issue. Isolation destroys creativity. Looks like socializing, real socializing, is critical to creativity after all. All those stories of writers and painters suffering in garrets for their art aren't exactly accurate. We have to have visual and mental stimulation that isn't focused on the end of the world day in and day out. We need to have conversations that provoke thought and generate ideas. We require human interaction to stimulate our synapses and send a current of impressions, feelings, thoughts, and emotions through our bodies. We have to experience life to create art.

So, I'm not alone is this dry spell, apparently. I wonder if they'll have interventions and workshops to jumpstart us?

If I can just get my body not to hurt and my brain to cooperate by generating clarity, I might make progress. I wouldn't need an intervention.

The End of Day 14

Today is the 14th day since we shut ourselves in. Who could have dreamed it would go on this long? Who could have dreamed that it could even happen?

People continue to get sick. The death toll continues to rise. And our doors, at least mine, stay closed. I go out for necessities only, but each time I am afraid. How many times can I throw the dice and win? How many spins left on the wheel?

I had to take my son some food a day ago, and it shocked me to see so much traffic, even in the grocery store. People aren't staying in. They're still going about their business. Parking lots are less crowded, but only at places that are nonessential. The road traffic is actually heavier I think.

Sarah and I can't afford to go anywhere. I have a suppressed immune system, and she has a history of asthma. So, we stay in and each day we wonder if, when some break will come. She goes for short walks on the street. We've been on the patio twice.

I've done a bit of writing, but not what I could do. I've been doing cleaning and laundry when I can. I'm still having back problems, but far less since I bought the new mattress. I've tried a few exercises to help with it, but nothing works like the weights. I miss the gym. I've worked on the rebounder some, but not as much as I'd like. I've watched two videos that showed me some routines and now I just have to do them. I may take it into the garage since the ceiling is higher, but the floor is concrete and I'm nervous to try that this soon.

The only news we're getting is what I go scavenge on the web. I don't watch television news anymore or read newspapers. I got online and search as many sites as possible, focusing on Reuters and the AP, both are the main source of news distributed to networks and publications anyway... probably before they add their spin. I also look at sites that discuss the C-19 based on the science, rather than folks' suspicions. I read the other too, but I want what they science says.

I hope you're all protecting yourself and others. Stay at home! Please! You can catch this. How many spins do you have left before you get it? Will you kill someone by your actions? And will you survive? Don't risk it.