There Be Dragons

I keep getting reminded by Facebook that I'm neglecting my followers. I guess in a way that's true. So much has happened in the last several months that I've been overwhelmed. Maybe sometime I'll write about it. For now, I'm tired and want forget it all. Unfortunately, some troubles leave a mark. Maybe not ones others can see but a mark all the same.

I've been under a lot of stress and the results have been severe depression, increased pain levels, sleep disturbances, and a lot of anger at my inability to cope with anything. All of which creates a vicious cycle that only exacerbates them.

I don't want to write anymore. Yes, it is very scary. It is as if a switch has flipped and I can't summon any desire to sit down and pour out the stories. I can't actually think of any story, not even stories I've been working on. The well seems to have run dry and I'm not sure I even care.

I'm tired of finishing a day with no energy left. The truth is, I'm tired of fighting monsters I can't defeat. I keep getting up in the mornings, no matter how much pain I'm in, to do it all over again. By the end of the day I'll cry in the shower and try to wash the new war wounds.

I was once told I was a fighter but I don't have the energy, the strength, or even the desire to fight another dragon. I feel that I should just sit down and let them eat me. I don't even know if I'd feel the heat. Dealing with constant pain actually numbs you to many things. Minor injuries are hardly worth noticing, as if you're watching it from a distance. When the car crashed into the garage wall two weeks ago, I just looked at it and came in the house and sat down. I felt annoyed but not much else. It was just one more thing.

So, for those who feel I've let things go, you'd be right. And if you stop following or drift away, I understand. Thank you to those who have waited patiently and left kind comments. Facebook is rather insensitive, an irony if there ever was one. I would say I'm offended by the assumption I'm inconsiderate. But honestly, it isn't as if they can eat me. Facebook isn't a dragon.