Day 30 of Quarantine

We've reached the 30 day point at last. I was hoping we'd be done with this thing by now but the politicians are so busy trying to milk this thing for as long as possible I think. You can't believe anything the news media say about it. Numbers are being manipulated, or they're not. People are dying, or they're not. China lied, or they didn't.

I'm keeping a check on the numbers released by Indiana State Department of Health. Not near as many hospital beds used as I expected. Not near as many ventilators either. In fact, the numbers are about what we've seen in China. In Indiana, just over 48000 tested and of that, 8000 have the virus. Of those there are just over 400 deaths. That's 5%. I think the expected was 3% but that's not surprising either.

We've stayed in and only do shopping when we really need something. Doesn't mean we're not stir crazy. Neither Sarah nor I are gadabouts. We like staying home but there are times we want to just go somewhere and have a sandwich or get a drink. Not having the choice is hard.

I haven't been writing. The computer crashed and I've spent a week trying to get it back online. At the moment, everything seems ok but does one ever know? I'm also homeschooling Sarah. To say it is challenging would be an understatement. She's such a sweet kid, but she has challenges that seem to overwhelm her. When faced with difficult material, she just becomes overwhelmed and want to quit. Fortunately, I've dealt with both her uncle and her dad with this issue so I'm aware and can handle it. That's not to say I don't have an urge to brain her at times.

Overall, I'm feeling much better. I'd love to go back to the gym and work out, but the pills I bought seem to be helping with my pain. It is considerably less and I'm sleeping better most nights. My hips still ache and make walking hard but that shooting nerve pain was worse and it is such a relief having that get better.

I'll make this short today. I haven't focused on writing topics, I know, but I'll get back on track as soon as possible. Was I ever on track?

Stay safe and stay home until this is over.

The End of Day 14

Today is the 14th day since we shut ourselves in. Who could have dreamed it would go on this long? Who could have dreamed that it could even happen?

People continue to get sick. The death toll continues to rise. And our doors, at least mine, stay closed. I go out for necessities only, but each time I am afraid. How many times can I throw the dice and win? How many spins left on the wheel?

I had to take my son some food a day ago, and it shocked me to see so much traffic, even in the grocery store. People aren't staying in. They're still going about their business. Parking lots are less crowded, but only at places that are nonessential. The road traffic is actually heavier I think.

Sarah and I can't afford to go anywhere. I have a suppressed immune system, and she has a history of asthma. So, we stay in and each day we wonder if, when some break will come. She goes for short walks on the street. We've been on the patio twice.

I've done a bit of writing, but not what I could do. I've been doing cleaning and laundry when I can. I'm still having back problems, but far less since I bought the new mattress. I've tried a few exercises to help with it, but nothing works like the weights. I miss the gym. I've worked on the rebounder some, but not as much as I'd like. I've watched two videos that showed me some routines and now I just have to do them. I may take it into the garage since the ceiling is higher, but the floor is concrete and I'm nervous to try that this soon.

The only news we're getting is what I go scavenge on the web. I don't watch television news anymore or read newspapers. I got online and search as many sites as possible, focusing on Reuters and the AP, both are the main source of news distributed to networks and publications anyway... probably before they add their spin. I also look at sites that discuss the C-19 based on the science, rather than folks' suspicions. I read the other too, but I want what they science says.

I hope you're all protecting yourself and others. Stay at home! Please! You can catch this. How many spins do you have left before you get it? Will you kill someone by your actions? And will you survive? Don't risk it.

The Rest of the Story

My morning started at 7:24 a.m. when some nebulous sound woke me. I'm not one to stay in bed if I'm wide awake, so I rolled out. The sensation of little pain when I did it surprised and thrilled me. Compared to the last three weeks, my pain level felt like a 3. That's manageable if I'm careful. 

Yesterday I still could not accomplish much but felt I could go to my Monday night Shut Up & Write meeting at Panera. I'm glad I did. I wrote for an hour and got just over 1300 words. It feels wonderful to be writing again. I don't know if it's any good, but telling the story is so awesome. 

The meetings are relaxing and fun. We write the first hour, and the next hour we talk. We've had new folks join us at nearly every meeting. My experience is that writers are some of the nicest folks you can meet. I'm truly grateful to be able to join in.

Now I have a story to tell. Some of you may know that I adopted two kittens from the Humane Society several months ago. They're about 6 months old now, and I really enjoy their company now that Sarah and Chaz are gone.

Jet & Kiki both fell ill about 2 weeks after I got them and I spent a small fortune on vet bills. Kiki got well with the meds, but Jet had to go back a week later for a secondary illness and get more meds. All together it was over $300 for two strays. What can I say? I don't believe in letting an animal suffer.

They both recovered eventually and wreaked havoc on my life.

Kiki is sneaky and a curtain climber. She's getting better, but punishment has been pretty harsh. I've thrown pillows at her and dish towels. She's smaller and daintier than Jet and has a very sweet disposition. You don't pet her unless she wants to be petted, and she'll leave the room if you try.

Jet, alternatively, is quite the lover boy and typical male. The constant attention when he was very ill turned him into a demanding boy. He loves being petted and sleeping on your lap. When he plays, he plays hard, running, jumping, and tossing mylar balls for up to an hour. I'm usually a wreck by the time he's done because he insists that I play ball or he gets it hung under my chair or behind something he's not supposed to mess with.

In fact, he messes with anything he's not supposed to mess with, and that's pretty much every knick knack I own. Some are special as they came from all over the world. Oh, and anything dangling such as yarn or power cords is irresistible to him. He's everything I hate in a cat. But he's absolutely adorable when he's good. Well, let's face it, we all love to be loved. Jet loves me. His love is centered in gratitude, and so I tolerate the odious behaviors. He too gets pillows and towels and quite a few yells.

Jet is also an unrepentant thief. He steals everything; Chapstick, hair ties, phone styluses, and my eyeglass repair kit (which I found under the file cabinet ). Kiki watches with interest from a corner of the room. Sitting there like a tiny Sphinx, wondering if he'll use up a life this time or if he'll get away with it. He often gets away with it. He's even started getting on the counters, an absolute no-no, and Kiki watches. She's too small to make the leap yet.

This last two weeks, Jet has been sick again. He's had a terrible bout of diarrhea. I've wracked my brain trying to figure out the cause of it. There's been no new food, no trips out of the house, nothing that I can find that he could ingest. The mouse traps are out of reach. I keep the counters free of foodstuffs because of mice so there wasn't anything there. I also worried because I take some pretty toxic medicines and I'm always afraid I'll drop something they might eat and it would kill them. My search revealed nothing that could be the cause. I decided it was probably a virus and next Kiki would be sick. They insist on using the same litter box no matter I put two down.

But Kiki didn't get sick. In fact, she's fine. Jet, on the other hand, has diarrhea the consistency of soft serve ice cream after about 5 minutes and he's barely making it to the box. The hideously messy substance smells like an outhouse. I'm cleaning the box several times a day, including wiping down the sides with bleach wipes! It's so awful I keep the Lysol spray handy. I decided this week I should take him to the vet. I delayed because I was sick with a cold, in a lot of pain with the back and hips, and the expense of the $400 heating repair overruled me. 

This morning I was getting coffee ready when I notice a cup on the stove I keep my bacon drippings in. I keep it tightly covered with a heavy foil cover, and it has never been a problem. For several days now, I've found the top off. I figured I'd dislodged it moving things around, but I couldn't believe I'd leave it open all night. I don't have bugs or mice at the moment, but I've had issues in the past and I'm careful about leaving things open or out. No food and bleached counters keep them away.

Suddenly, a glimmer of light appeared. I picked up the cup. I haven't cooked with bacon drippings in some time, and as I said, that lid is never off unless I take it off. I created it, and it's worked well for years. I make a new one regularly. It's been off at least 4 times this week ... that I can remember.

I studied the contents. I can't be sure. I turn and look at Jet. He must sense something because he looks back from a crouched position and then darts into the den. The effects of bacon grease on a cat's intestinal track can't be good. I mean, I don't think it will kill him or anything but ... it can't be good. In fact, I suspect it could cause diarrhea the consistency of soft serve ice cream setting out for 5 minutes. 

After a discussion about this I may have said something like, "Well, if you did that, you deserve what you got." I put the cup in the fridge until I can clear it out.

Now I'm going to have to go buy bacon and fry it up to get more drippings. Imagine the trouble that's going to be.

Light in the Tunnel

We've made it another day, but what a few weeks it's been. I've been more or less crippled by hip pain for more the last three weeks. I'm not sure why it suddenly flared up so much. I've been having problems in my lower back for months and didn't know what was triggering it but now I suspect it is actually my hips. I'm sure there are also some pinched nerves in my lower back, but that's been secondary this time around.

For two of three weekends I've needed a cane to walk when I got up in the mornings. I've missed going to the gym because I feared I'd make the problem worse, but to my surprise, working with the weight machines made it better. I stayed home the last 4 days. The pain was just too much.

Today, in the late afternoon, I realized it felt better. I've thrown everything at it: medicines, both topical and pills, heat pads, hot showers. Nothing seemed to help but the acetaminophen, which probably helped the inflammation. I'm not supposed to take it because of the risk to my liver. I can only say that taking it is the lesser evil. Today, I hope, is a turning point.

Since I felt better, I went to the writer's meeting and knocked out 1412 words. I've been attending the Shut Up & Write meeting on Monday nights for three weeks. It feels so good to write again. So far, I've written just over 3000 words at the meetings. I've avoided trying to write at home this last 3 weeks because I wasn't feeling well anyway and thought trying to make myself write would only lead to further stress and more blocks.

I've met several new people at the meetings, too. We use the last hour to chat and get acquainted. That's a bonus for me since I don't get to socialize much these days. 

I can't get too optimistic but it feels like there is light at the end of the tunnel. If I can keep going, I might get something accomplished.

If you're a writer, looking to connect and write with other writers in person, I encourage you to look up Shut Up & Write to see if there is a group in your area. If you're in S. Indiana, look up our group.

Be Nice or Shut Your Mouth

I ended the Facebook "fast" yesterday. I was having some real problems with severe depression and abysmal loneliness all accompanied by the never ending pain. My state of mind was toxic and required action.

Taking off Facebook seemed counter intuitive because I felt it would further isolate me and make the situation worse. However, the day before I went off, someone made a thoughtless comment that really hit me at the worst point in my mental state. It was a trigger, and it worked.

Let me tell you people something. You need to watch your mouth when you know someone is struggling with personal issues, regardless of what form they take. I'm not a person who will go out and kill myself. I have religious beliefs that make that difficult for me. It is just one more thing to deal with and I'm not inclined to add to my grief or other's. However, you won't know that. Even I don't know.

I have a history of clinical depression. It was 20 yrs ago at least. I was suicidal and got right down to the planning stage. But God was so merciful to me and got me help (I learned to self medicate using supplements and herbals) before I did something stupid. Because of that experience, I'm highly susceptible to depression. Depression, for me, is the beast lurking in the dark.

Secondary to the depression, they diagnosed me with PTSD at the death of my husband. I presume the ramifications of that are clear, without my having to explain it. I'm certain I'm not the only person in the world like this. So you need to shut your mouth if you have no tact because you could cause irreparable damage to someone like me.

I left the comment on the site but the person who made the comment can't see my posts now. I've unfollowed them. I never delete comments unless they're obscene. I figure your mouth is my best defense. I never delete people either unless they're crazy or obscene. Again, better the world see you for a fool so I don't have to explain it.

I went off intending to do a month but stopped at 17 days. I will probably do more soon. I've done this before, here and there but with my state of mind this time, the whole thing surprised me a bit.

What did I do? Other things. I've been doing some crochet and more reading. Played some games here and there. I went to the gym but a nasty turn in the weather this week disrupted my system and my pain escalated to where Sunday I had to have a cane to walk. I thought the gym might be a bad idea today, even though I'm better after many applications of Pennsaid Solution. Well, I don't need the cane now. So.

I've been on Instagram some, posting photos but that isn't really my thing much since Sarah left. I enjoyed looking at other people's photos more and found some crochet patterns I want to try. I've been going over some writing things but once the weather shifted, writing wasn't possible again. I discovered some new podcasts, too. Mike and I have been spending more time together since he's had places he needed to go and he always spends time here when he does that. The cats are thrilled, especially Jet. They have a real bromance going on.

After about 10 days, I realized my mood was slightly better, but the depression was hanging on. Until yesterday I just couldn't shake it. Today isn't so bad.

I've learned that one personal failing, or one comment, however well intentioned, can send a person into a nosedive as fatal as a plane crash. That's what living with depression is like. The things that trigger an episode are so stinking random.

So, be nice or be scarce. And if you really hate reading about people's problems go away so we don't have to bother with you. You're adding to the problems. My blogs all state what I'm dealing with and that the posts are about those things. I suppose I should label Facebook but I've laid out my position very clearly in the About section. I should review it I guess and update it.

One negative of the whole thing is that I blew my diet out of the water. Totally sunk the boat. But I didn't gain any weight. So, a bit of silver lining there. Oh, I bought a food scale, too. I think it will help me keep track of the little things like nuts or fruits. We'll see.

Have a great week. It is just getting started, and I'd like to believe it will be good.