Finding Time

I know they say travel broadens the mind but it also rips a hole in your soul. The first trip I took was a vacation with my Aunt and Uncle. I read 5 books on that trip and it was awesome. I swam a little and was able to just site on a quiet patio and read. I do not require lots of entertainment on vacation.

I was home only three weeks when my brother died and I had to leave and go home for the funeral. I was gone only three days but let's face it, it was not a pleasant trip. My whole family is still reeling from this death and I don't know why we'll ever feel that it has really happened.

The next trip was exactly one week later. We went to Arkansas to pick up my granddaughter. She's been visiting her dad for the last six weeks. I'm glad she's home. I'm glad I'm home! This is the longest trip I take. It takes 12 hours. The map says 9 but if you really have to go to the bathroom and eat, you can just add more. If there is construction or car accidents... and there are... you can add even more. We experienced it all. We left both times at 6 a.m. and arrived home at 5 p.m. We limited out stops to the shortest possible time. This helped. Leaving extremely early also seemed to make a difference is how we felt. The fact that I didn't have to do the driving certainly helped me. I'm much less tired than I was after that first trip.

Somewhere in all that I managed to scrounge up 1354 thus far in July in one of my WIP. I'd hoped for more but unfortunately, travel got in the way. Now, despite all that, I don't think 1354 is anything to sneeze at. I'm amazed that I got that much writing done. Admittedly, that's only over the course of two days but I consider myself lucky to have had two days where I could function. I will thank God for small favors.

School starts on the 7th so things will be busy the next few weeks but I've pretty excited that I don't have anywhere I have to go and I might just get some more writing accomplished.

I'm going to set up my calendar in the next few days with my writing times and I'm trying to make sure I get enough rest factored in. That seems to be my biggest need. I am always tired due to the RA and the fibromyalgia. Factoring in rest when you have an autoimmune disease is so important, particularly if you want to write. In the past, I've always neglected it and this last year has really revealed that to me. Once I started making rest a priority, above everything else, and setting aside days for specific chores I found that I functioned better and actually felt like I could do other things like writing or working on a home improvement project.

I'm going to try to hang on to the optimism and structure my time more stringently. Pray for me. I need it.

Painful Rambles

I had an idea, a plan, and a strategy when I got up this morning. I put away some of the growing pile of laundry. Sarah actually helped me wash some of it yesterday. I swept and vacuumed every room.

My next move (it was 10:30 a.m. by then) was to get my stuff together and go into the yard and get the flowers planted. I figured a couple of hours would do it. I would go for my walk when I go to get Sarah. Then, I'd have writing time this evening. It was brilliant.

 Right.

Today my plan was not a success. I had to sit down after sweeping because it always hurts my lower back. Today the pain is extreme. Generally, once I finish with a room I have to sit for up to 15  minutes, particularly if it is Sarah's room. That didn't help today.

Next, I tackled as much as I can before I had to sit again. It is sweeping, vacuuming and mopping that give me the most trouble but it knocks me for a loop. Anything where I've got to lean slightly forward is exceptionally bad. I need to mop in the worst way but that is not happening. It is so bad today that I decided to go get something to eat and come back. So I did. It didn't help. Not only is my back unhappy, my left shoulder and arm are in a very bad way.

What I am feeling is extreme pain. Lower back, shoulder pain, nerve pain in the arm and hand, and last but not least, pain going down my leg. I've taken the medicine I usually take for that leg pain but I think I'm hurting so bad in general it isn't helping.

This is all compounded by the fact that, yesterday I had to spray bug spray around the house to start working on keeping the ants at bay and I had to put out weed killer to kill weeds until I can get a trimmer (which I probably won't be able to use because of my back!). Anyway, that little exercise caused pain in my forearms. Remember, I've been sitting on my laurels for nearly 9 months. I'm not in good shape to say the least. I walked for several days this past week but at the moment, I'm not thinking about walking.

What I do think, is that writing might not happen. I'm also supposed to skype with a writer friend online tonight. We do this twice a month when we can. I don't know if I handle it. Sitting is the worst thing you can do it you have back problems.

I like to think that I'll get some writing in. I mentioned that I had written 371 words in one of the ending chapters of The Long Summer Run. It got me excited and I am eager to get back to it. I could be finished in a couple of days with the first draft. That's amazing.

For now, 30 minutes ago I took two acetaminophen that last 8 hours. I'm hoping this helps the overall pain. Some of the pain in my back seems to have started to respond to it. There is one huge drawback to all this. There is a storm front headed our way. It is possible that all this pain is in response to that approaching system. Yes, I know it is farfetched, just take my word for it. It happens.

It has suddenly occurred to me as I write this that I can ramble on for hundreds of words about pain. I'm so tired of it. Since it is painful to type right now, I'll stop here.

Resurrection D

As anyone who had read the blog in the last six weeks will know, I've been sick. A cold laid me flat and after I began to get over it, I was slammed by the worst fatigue I have had in, well, I can't remember.

Take note, please, although I've experienced some mild fatigue for the last two days I have not taken more than an hour nap and that was yesterday. I've been able to wash clothes and put away laundry, wash dishes, and I have a roast in the cooker for dinner. Yeah, I know!

Alas, no writing yet but I feel that by the end of the week I'll be able to get back into the novels. I think I'm learning patience. UGH! Whatever, I'm thankful to be almost free of that deadly exhaustion.

I do not say deadly lightly. I really was getting worried by this past Sunday. The cold was cleared up but I've been sleeping an average of 12 hrs a day. Usually 6-8 at night and then having to sleep anywhere from 4-6 hours in the daytime. It wasn't voluntary either. I had to lie down or I'd fall down and I fell asleep nearly instantly every time. I had people calling to see if I was all right because they knew something was wrong with me. So, this wasn't me being dramatic.

The good news is I think I found the cause. About a month ago, when I became so sick with the cold, I had run out of my vitamin D. I kept trying to remember to go get more but I either was too sick to go get it, couldn't remember to ask someone, or when I was out, didn't remember myself. So, I've been without vitamin D3 for about 6 weeks.

On Sunday I got depressed and desperate. I basically prayed and ask God to help me find out what was causing this problem. Because I absolutely knew it was abnormal. That evening, as I was taking my pills, something just told me to go to the store and get the vitamin D. I didn't waste time. I left in the middle of things, got it, and came back. I took 15,000 units Sunday night. Monday morning I took 15,000 unit. Yes, yes, yes, I know that is a lot. Trust me, I've been doing this a long time, over 10 years, in fact. I've been taking 10,000 units, over doctor protest, that long. I get regular bloodwork, at MY request, to monitor my blood levels of D. I have never been over 100 and toxic is 170.

Here's the thing. Several meds I take for RA actually prevent the absorption of D. In other words, any D I get, whether via sunshine, foods, or pills are blocked by those meds. When they first discovered that I had a deficiency, I had recently been diagnosed with RA and fibro. I was at a blood level of 25. The started me on 1000 units. No impact. They raised me to 2000 units. No impact. They raised me to 5000 units and got my blood up to 30.  I took that for a very long time. Until I changed doctors.

In the meantime, I did research, lots and lots of research. I read books on D and the medical studies on it and the relationship to autoimmune diseases. So, I know what I'm talking about. I had a hip problem and it developed into a leg problem and I could not walk some days without out a cane. I was in my 50's! My research revealed a connection to bone and muscle pain and D deficiency. I asked my new doc it I could take 10,000 units. She said yes. Hip and leg pain disappeared. No cane needed, thank you.

Now, back to today. As of today, the brain fog is slowly passing. Muscle pain and joint pain has decreased substantially. Remember the pain from the weekend? Go read the blog or Facebook. That pain is nearly gone. The damaged nerve in my hand is always in pain. For weeks it has been worse than when I ruptured the disk and nearly unbearable. Today... minimal pain that is bearable. I've even gone without the hand cover I wear constantly. But the major impact is that I'm not falling down with exhaustion and passing out as soon as I sit down.

For close to 5 years my doctors kept wanting me to reduce my D intake. I've refused, citing my bloodwork and the pills that are affecting absorption. Two years ago my RA doc finally conceded that I "tolerate high doses of D very well" and suggested I keep taking it. (smirk) Certainly. I never had any intention of doing differently.

I'm anxious to write now. I mean right NOW. I can actually feel my brain beginning to kick into gear. It is always astonishing. I can't believe I went 6 weeks and never made the connection. Of course, in that condition, you aren't thinking. Because I KNEW you see. I should have caught it earlier but I guess because I was so sick with the cold and not functioning well anyway that it just got by me. Please, if you hear me talking about that fatigue again, remind me!

And if you struggle with autoimmune diseases, chronic fatigue, or fibromyalgia please demand they check your D levels. If they're below 50 I'm telling you, you need more D. Do your research. Search Google Scholar because they have medical documentation of research and trials. Be very specific. For example, I research Vitamin D and medications that prevent absorption, Vitamin D and RA, D and Fibromyalgia, D and chronic fatigue. Research your disorder and Vitamin D. I think you'll be shocked. Also, you might look for a book called, The Miraculous Result of Extremely High Doses of Vitamin D This is not an endorsement of his use of extremely high doses of D. I DO NOT SUGGEST that you take high doses of D without blood work and monitoring but the data in this book is what you need. In an earlier version, he gives hundreds of links to clinical trials and articles on this topic. You don't have to have to book to research it yourself. It was just one of the triggers that got me started.

Now I will leave you. I have a school meeting that I will be able to stay awake for and then I have to get back home and with luck, I'll have my evening free to relax. We'll see how tomorrow goes. I'll be taking the 15,000 units at least thru the end of the week.  I think that the weekend might just be awesome. I don't think it will be as bad as the last one.

Firing, Hashing, & Crashing

If you remember, before my back surgery I had to hire an assistant. I mentioned it in a previous post. I even posted photos of him at work.  Well, sadly, I fear my assistant has loafing.

👈 Just look how I found him! Sleeping on the job. I'm telling you, you can't find good help these days. Just like Mike Rowe says, 5,000,000 jobs out there and they can't fill them. Probably because of people just like this guy. 

Fortunately, since my surgery, things are looking up and I'm able to type better and I don't have a lot of pain. I do have copious amounts of fatigue but I'm trying to work around that. I've been writing on two novels but I'm going to have to focus on one and get it done. 

There is so much I need to do around here, too. I still have the pass-thru to finish out and a couple of finishing touches in the den. After that, I have to work on the half bath. I have a new security light to get up outside, too. With no handyman about the house and Mike going back to work, I'm flying solo. Sarah said she'd hold the ladder. She wanted to use the drill but I think that'd be a bit dicey. 

And still plenty of writing to do. 

I want to sit down and work on my "world" for All That's Holy". That's been nagging at me. Of course, that could be just to pull me away from the real writing. I also need, that's NEED, to work up the final chapters to Long Summer Run. I'm there. Just do it! Overwhelming to have so many novels in the last stages of completion. This is what NaNo does to you!

Do other writers struggle with this kind of stuff? I fight the RA but mostly, I just do what I have to do, despite the pain. It is the fibro fatigue and brain fog that really gets to me. I can't find a way around that other than sleep.The good news is that now I can snuggle with my pillow on either side and not have to sleep totally on my back. This has been a gift. Things have improved so much since the surgery that it is frustrating to still deal with fibro. I have the added bonus of the bad angel nagging to write this, write that, over here, over there. I feel positively ADD.

I've prolonged the inevitable long enough. I must go write the real story. I hope I've not bored you to tears. If you're on Facebook or Twitter, follow me, please! I need followers. The links are on this page in the column. 

Have a great day!

The Voices In My Head

Thanks Pixabay.com

I spent a whole day this past week wondering why I bother. Why do I even think about writing? What's the use? What's the point? Who am I kidding, I stink. I'm terrible. I'm sick all the time. I don't write enough. I can't think. I have so much to do and can't get my act together.

I give up! I just quit. I'm not going to bother even trying. I can't do it anyway and my mind seems to have taken a permanent vacation. So, I should, too.

Yeah, I said that.

And was immediately miserable.

I don't write because someone makes me. Maybe if they did, I'd be more productive. I do it because I can't help it. Even when I feel awful, I try and write something. But it seems so little that I end up angry and frustrated with myself.

Every year I start a schedule but then something happens about 4 months in that totally derails me. Usually, my RA or Fibromyalgia flares and I'm knocked down. I keep writing but the momentum is gone and sometimes, even the energy. I become too ill to get anything done.

Today was one of those days. I went back to bed after I got Sarah to school and slept hard for two more hours. The rest of the day I lay in my recliner, still exhausted. I can't tell you what I did because I don't remember. I dozed off and on all afternoon. I think I read some. I think I went somewhere.. oh yeah, to lunch with Mike. Wow, totally forgot that. My back hurt, my hand hurt, and I was so tired when I got home, it was an effort to stay awake. So, I slept. Those types of days are frequent.

I beat myself up. I flay myself until I'm bleeding from every pore. Metaphorically, of course. I fall into a depression and despair of every producing another completed piece. I quit. At least once a year.

Then, I find something in a file that I wrote. And I'm shocked because I don't remember writing it and I wonder how I wrote such beautiful prose. Then, the voices in my head start talking about the story, pouring details so fast I can't keep up. I'm driven back to the keyboard to get it all down and repeat the process.

Maybe I'll finish something. Maybe I won't. That bothers me most. But I can't stop. I can't quit. I have no choice. The voices in my head won't let me quit. They may become overwhelmed by pain and despair but they refuse to remain silent for long.

Weekend Drama & Story Structuring

I've been working on The Long Summer Run this weekend. Saturday was the first time I was actually awake a whole day in a couple of weeks. I was able to do some planning here and there and Sunday I began to work on the structure and plot of the story. Not actual writing but some organization I've needed but didn't really understand how to fix until I started listening to a podcast called The Story Grid. It is based on the book by the same name and written by Shawn Coyne.

 On Saturday I cleaned, with the help of Sarah's mom. We're still good friends and she came and dusted, swept, and mopped - jobs that really cause me a lot of pain and fatigue. I rarely get through the whole house in one day. Sometimes I don't get through it in a month. I have a similar problem with putting away laundry. It is the bending motions of back and shoulders that do it.

The weekend was not without excitement. Becca was nearly finished with the floors and I was in the kitchen, putting away some things. I got my feet tangled in the vacuum cord and stepped in a bit of water on the floor. I was thrown off balance and since I was holding 10 lbs of oranges, there was no way to compensate. I did not bounce when I hit the floor but neither did I break. I did, however, feel it in ever inch of my body. Took several moments and two people to get me up. Mike had been working on the car and just as he came in I fell. So, between the two of them, they got me up and into a chair so we could determine the extent of the damage. Mostly bruises and by Sunday, a whole lot of stiffness and achiness.

I went to church on Sunday but left after the first service. I simply couldn't sit for another hour and a half. Everything was getting stiff and it was very painful. Getting up and down was difficult as my lower back, which had taken a licking the day before, was causing pain in my hips and legs. So, I came home, put the new recliner on the patio and carried out my computer. I stayed there all afternoon. I worked about two hours on the novel and I think it has helped me understand a few things. I knew that I had more to write but I couldn't figure out where some things went and how to get it organized.

Even though I've been writing stories for about 40 years, I didn't really understand story structure until recently. I think we inherently know the structure, at least I did. That's something I realized as I've been studying story structure for the last three months. Story structure seems to be mapped into our brains. That's my terminology.

I read The Power of Myth, by Joseph Campbell probably more than a year ago and based on that, I think that human beings are designed to tell stories and that story structure is probably just a part of us. However, I think it hasn't been clearly defined until Campbell's work. I could be wrong but I think his work is the first research of its kind to reveal that.

Anyway, since I've been studying it, three books later, I seem to be getting the idea. One book gave me a great explanation of the different types of story structure. Another one, Story Engineering, by Larry Brooks was so horrible at explaining it I couldn't get a quarter of the way through before I tossed it aside. Thank goodness I had checked it out of the library.

However, as I mentioned above, I stumbled on this podcast based on Shawn Coyne's book, The Story Grid and as I listened, and visited his website, something clicked. So, on Sunday, I sat down to look for some of the things he talked about and see if there were structured correctly. The story is a mess, as I knew, but one thing that began to show was I was very close in my structure to his example. Not in every instance but in some very important aspects.

I want to finish the basic outline (Scrivener helps with this) and get the whole story on the grid so I can clearly see where the fault lines are. They are many. This makes me feel much better about the story. If I can work on it every day, at least several days a week, I might have it done in a month. Of course, waking at 4 a.m. in terrible pain, as I did this morning, is not going to help matters. My hands are killing me as I type this but dictation is out of the question. I'm not waking the tiny blond beast down the hall this early. That would be as bad as the fire breathing dragon that woke me at 4 a.m.

I will stop now. I need another cup of Joe and prepare myself to face the beast in half an hour. Pray for me. She is not a morning person.

Taking Time

I've had a crazy week of writing. I didn't write each day but on the days I wrote, I wrote about 1000 words, and one day, nearly double that. So, while I wish I'd done it every day, I'm not disappointed with my progress.

Somewhere this week I mentioned that I had an epiphany of sorts when I looked at my overall word count. I'm at just over 57,000. That's not actually a novel length work. In fact, it is barely a novella.  I still need roughly another 70,000 words in the draft. That revelation had an unexpected and unusual effect on me. I felt relief and exhilaration. I know I have a nearly complete story arc and that alone is exciting, but I also know there is so much more I need to say to tell the story and to realize that I had another 70K words to do it was . . . well, that was awesome.

There are, of course, wrenches in the works. I only worked two days this week but I've been fighting fatigue. Some of you will now that I'm now using a CPAP machine for my sleep apnea. It works most nights quite well but this week has been a mixed bag. For some reason, I've been getting plenty of hours sleep but I'm still feeling extremely sleepy. Yesterday, I came home and got in the recliner and slept for about 3 hours ... like a rock. I didn't feel better when I woke up. I experienced the wobbly drunkenness that I suspect is fibromyalgia. Sleep apnea and fibro produce some of the same symptoms. Brain fog, unsteadiness, and severe fatigue are symptoms of both. Today, I'm still fatigued but not as severely as I have been the last five days.

Naturally, very little gets done during these times. I began sorting 10 days of laundry today. I managed to put some of it away before my back simply rebelled. I just can't stand next to the bed to sort laundry and sitting isn't much better. I have to get up and down to hang items. So, today, I sorted items that go on hangers from items that go into drawers. I put the drawer stuff away. I'm left with hanger things and I divided those between my stuff and Sarah's. I can't go to bed tonight until I clear my bed. I have three loads of sheets and towels in the living room.

I keep saying I'll watch television and fold them but I am trying to finish Felicia's throw by the end of the month so I've crocheted instead of folding clothes. They mock me from their chairs. I laugh at their calamity.

I haven't digressed from my point. Really. I have these health problems. I didn't ask for them. I can't change them. They're running my life, like it or not. So, I've started being nicer to myself about the writing. I reminded myself that this is something I love to do and beating myself up about not doing it is robbing me of the joy of it. So, I've given myself permission to write as little or as much as I can, when I can, and be proud of what I can. I can't fix me, but I can fix how I handle it.

The other thing I decided today is to put a stop to all my Facebook digressions. I spend too much time there of late and in playing a game online. When you don't feel well it is easy to just sit and scroll mindlessly on social media, reading every scrap of other people's lives and your own scrolls away with it. My writing suffers when I'm doing that but so does my life. Truth is, reading books is very hard these days. Concentration suffers and as a result so do other areas of my life. These diseases rob people of the things that make them happy.

I remembered my Site Blocker extension and turned it back on today. I've blocked out times when I can and can't be on Facebook and if I miss my time slots, well, I need to just get over it. They're very limited - noon - 3:30 and after 9 p.m. Sunday through Saturday. I did this last year and it did make a difference in the time I spent writing. Although, I can get on using my phone but I tend to spend less time on Facebook on my phone than I do on the computer.

My time is valuable and limited. I shouldn't waste what I have left on foolish pursuits while the things that define me are left behind. I may not be able to do some of the things I really want to do but I need to take time to do what I can and I need to be kinder to myself when I can't.

If your health has put you in a rut, remember ruts slope at either end. Walk out of it. Take your time but walk out of it.

Writing Things

Courtesy Pixabay.com

September has been an unusual month and I'm just 9 days into it. I've not written much of my own since the last post. A variety of issues: unrelenting pain of the joints, skin, and tissue, birthday celebrations, and a house in dire need of cleaning have all played a part in my failing to write and perform said cleaning. 

I had a good day this week where I rapidly put away most of the laundry from last week and finished up my granddaughter's bedroom redo, i.e. hanging her pictures, plaques, and decorative items on the freshly painted walls. Also, there are now three loads of fresh laundry keeping company with the laundry which remained from my... well, this is getting as tiresome as the laundry. Just know there's still a pile of laundry. And my feet now are extremely unhappy with their enforced half day march.

I have been making an effort to read more since all over body pain makes it virtually impossible to do anything but lie in a chair that does little to alleviate pain in the pressure points. I've got several books started. Several others I've stopped because.. well, they just didn't hold my fog shrouded interest. I've taken steps to help with this by taking books to the bathroom. One always finds one can concentrate better there. Sadly, the accommodations are not equal to the Lazy Boy. Still, one might get a chapter read at times. It is unfortunate that I can't read in the shower.

Another thing I've been doing is editing the short stories for the anthology. I'm able to sit for this, but I found the long bouts at the computer to be not so good for my back and neck. However, the writers have turned them all in and now we're in the editing/revising stage. We only have two people editing so it is going to take a while and the pain involved will have to be borne. I'm doing the first round, a line edit. They revise. The next editor gets the next round. I will probably have to reread the finished product to ensure everything is formatted, but I don't want to put the horse behind the cart. 

I actually managed a visit to the library the day I had to pick up a prescription from the doctor's office. If you really want to know, see  Update to Medical Woes. I have to mail that in but I've not done it yet. Again, just getting up and doing simple tasks has been difficult with the overall pain. 

Anyway, I checked out several books I wanted to attempt to read. I am reading Spunk & Bite by Arthur Plotnik. Obviously, any writer should get the humor in the title. The cover states it is "A writer's guide to punchier, more engaging language & style." I've found it amusing and I'm actually enjoying the author's ideas of "punchier language". He practices what he preaches, to the extreme to prove a point. The title of the first chapter is E. B. Whitewashed  and he tells about the creation and subsequent incarnations of Strunk & White The Elements of Style. I recommend both books. 

I'm also reading Bloody Mary, by J. A. Konrath, that I got free for Kindle some time ago. I haven't read Konrath before, but I like his writing. This particular book is good and will probably mean that I'll read more of Konrath. That's the beauty of free. I think I've figured who the perp is and I'm not at the halfway point, but his intro promised a twist in the middle so maybe not. He writes so well and the pace is so quick that it is easy to forget how long you've been reading. I couldn't put it down last night and stayed up past my bedtime, which could account for my oversleeping this morning and having to rush to get Sarah to school. Obviously, the brain fog only extends so far.

I checked out two other books that looked interesting, but I'm not sure I'll get them read or even started. 

Fiction First Aid by Raymon Obstfeld: I like the format and the chapter titles sound interesting, so I really want to at least read some of it. It is the kind of book I'd buy for my reference shelf.

Murder and Mayhem, A Doctor Answers Medical & Forensic Question for Mystery Writers  by D. P. Lyle, M.D.: I have to say this book would be handy for any writing. It covers a hospital full of medical issues in question/answer format. You may get a little first aide along the way. I've only scanned some of it. I told my son today that I wasn't sure I could actually read the whole thing. It is quite gruesome in places, a necessity if you're doing research. There is a disclaimer in the preface that says the book is not to be used in the commission of any criminal activity. I believe he's also written a sequel. There are apparently so many ways to die it can't be covered in one book.

How To Write A Damn Good Mystery by James N. Frey: I've read something by Frey before but can't remember the name of the book. I've wanted to read this one for a while but ... never mind. So, I checked it out. If it seems useful I'll buy a copy from Amazon. 

Don't be shocked by the volume of volumes.  I used to check out twice this many books before I drifted into the Fibro Fog Bank. These days I take it a book at a time, but it is horrible for a book lover to do that. I want piles of them around me, reading a bit from each daily. I simply have problems concentrating for long periods of time on certain types of things. 

My next trick will be to work on a couple of my pieces. I'm going to stop worrying about how much writing I do and just worry about getting any writing done. 

Right.